When the Wind Blows

Our lives begin with the breath of God and we are full of promise. The future is ours and the world is in our hands; we are life. We do not get to choose our families, our social standing, or our child-hood experiences. We are molded and we become – different from what was initially intended by our Creator. We each have a different walk, an individual road we must find and establish as our own. The lucky ones are guided gently by loving parents, by a family, a village filled with villagers carrying only our best intentions in their hearts.

And then there are the others – those left to their own devices, to learn, to fend for themselves, to grow on their own. Their families are riddled by alcoholism, drug addiction, lawlessness. They are beaten, molested, given drugs for their silence and abandoned. They are the future and sadly, their future seems bleak. Some rise above, some drown in the sorrow and some stay stagnant – neither failing nor succeeding in a life once filled with so much God-given promise.

I have tried so many times to reinvent myself, to wash off my past, to move beyond the long arms of depression caused by not only my own choices, but by transgressions against me at the hands of those villagers who were entrusted with my care. I have stood strong in the face of adversity, only to fall face first into the pits of my own, self-imposed emotional hell. It does not take much for this to transpire; one moment I am fine and life is perfect and then the wind blows and though life is still as perfect, I do not feel emotionally so.

It has been years since depression has grabbed me and taken control of my life. It has been years since I have allowed myself to wallow in self pity. I was well on my way to completely reinventing myself and living the life I know I was intended to have and then the wind blew. That was in March and four months later I still have been unable to take a control on my emotional well-being. I had so many good things going on, so many dreams I was close to fulfilling and so many Prayers finally being answered – and yet here I am, filled with such a deep sense of despair I am unable to relinquish the hold it has on me.

Just as in the darkness of years past, I know I will shake this off and I will be well on my way to reinventing myself once again. One thing which is most important to me is this blog – it is the one step I need to take in order to get back on track with the parts of me I wish to retain. Writing has always been my release, but my desire for To Motherhood and Beyond; The Unforeseeable Journey was not to share the bleakness that was my past. My dreams and wishes for this blog were and are to share the possibilities, the possibilities of success we are each born to achieve. With this being said I think it is time to move onward and upward, to new and brighter things. To Motherhood and Beyond; The Unforeseeable Journey – yes, it is time for my departure from melancholy and my ascent into a future free of guilt and afflictions from a past best left forgotten.

©KLynn Shelton Miller

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Greener Than I Used to Be

Over the past five years I have made very small changes in our lives, slow changes so as not to upset the apple cart. First I started with recycling our bottles and slowly it has grown to the point where we have more recyclables than we do garbage come trash-day. The only bad thing I can find in this scenario is, the recycle truck only comes through our neighborhood once a week. I am sure I miss things which could be recycled so maybe I should find a bigger recycle bin.

Recently I have become more aware of many things we use around our home, wasteful choices we make and habits formed over a lifetime which will affect the world forever. That’s right – I said it. Choices I made even yesterday in the midst of my new awakening, will affect the world forever. What does this say about the years of choices I made while being unaware, or perhaps in denial, of my actions? Just like with all regrets, I will put this one behind me and move beyond it. In order to do so I will have to implement changes in our lives which will make a difference for future generations. How do I get everyone in my home on-board the Going Green Express? *Well, lucky for me I have a wonderfully understanding husband and if I can show him a reason why this is better for our family, make a flowchart and a list of easily followed instructions he will gladly follow suit. Our son is merely twenty-seven months old; he will become the man we raise him to be.

You can pick up any cleaning supply and read the label for yourselves; the ingredient list is long and filled with chemicals we have never heard of, much less can we pronounce many of them. We leave lights on around the house, TV’s blaring and radios playing in the background. We smoke our cigarettes and throw butts out the window while we drive down the road. They catch afire, flames burning out of control as they engulf trash along our highways. Diapers overflow from pails dumped into landfills, rotting with urine and feces, causing toxic gasses and disease. I suppose this list could grow on forever, but I think you understand where I am coming from.

So what changes have I made in our household and how far will I take the Going Green Express? I can honestly admit I do not know how far I will go. Sometimes I grab hold of something and I do not let go until everything is in line. I do need to be honest with myself; I am spoiled. I love air-conditioning. I love my SUV. I love packing my Prince up in his car-seat and taking a road trip. I love soft, fuzzy, clean clothes. On the other hand, I dislike so many things which have overflowed inside our home. I dislike plastic toys – but they are everywhere. When I look at replacing some of them with more natural materials, I am appalled at the cost. Disposable diapers – what a nasty, wasteful, unhealthy choice so many of us have made for generations. Household cleaners make my asthma kick in, making it difficult for me to breathe.   My hands are left dry and my skin cracks. I worry about Riley Jabe crawling, walking, running across the floor – bending over to pick up a piece of his fallen snack and plopping it in his mouth after it has laid on a floor cleaned with chemicals I cannot pronounce.

Is it enough to find a happy medium and will this suit our family better than a full on assault of “going green”? These are questions I will have to answer in time, as we learn a new way to live. To date these are the changes I have made (slowly) over the past five years and I do plan on maintaining within our home.

I must be honest here – while the Rockin’ Green does seem to get my laundry clean, it does not offer much in the way of “smelling clean”. Of course this could be the fragrance I picked, or I could simply not be using enough of it so I am going to keep on trying. If you have a “green” detergent you use and are happy with why not leave a little note in the comment section. I have the same issue with the wool dryer balls I am using BUT they do work. My clothes are static and lint free and since this is what we are looking for in dryer balls they find themselves in the keep drawer.

I also have to admit going green is not the least expensive thing I have ever done. However I have made the flowcharts, researched and penciled out the math. I honestly believe that while some things (like laundry detergent) are always going to be more expensive and I will have to purchase them at the same rate as non-green cleaners, purchasing other going green products will in the end save me money and even pay for themselves. For instance, the new light-bulbs claim to last for three to five years. Yes, they do cost me more now – but do you know how many times I had to replace the same lamp bulb two years ago?   This is not even to mention the difference in my electric bill; though it may only save me pennies a day per light socket, it does add up by years end.

I know we still have a long way to go on the Going Green Express,  just as I know the importance in making these changes. Do I believe my family and I can save the world?   No – but I do believe we can change our little corner of it.

 

For more information on recycling, going green and reasons you should, please follow these links:

©KLynn Miller

*I have been asked by DH to make a notation, so here it goes. He does not need a flowchart, but what he does need is to know the new products I fill our home with will work, without putting us into bankruptcy. Oh and, “Remember – sometimes you just need to bleach the crude out of things!” I can understand and agree with all of those things, if it gets him aboard the Going Green Express without too much fuss. (Don’t look now, but that bottle of bleach on top of the dryer, has been there for at least four years. The same bottle. Shhh – please do not tell him we are not actually USING the bleach!)